Wednesday, August 26, 2009

It took more than a year to see how much i've changed.
It scares me, really.
The friends i make, well i try not to doubt them.
But they often doubt me.
I don't have much... close friends?
There are those who think they are close.
There are those who really are close.
There are those i rant to and they listen to every word.
There are many who thinks that they are... unluckiest?
There are also many who finds themselves misunderstood. Like me.
Am i too selfish?
I can attack myself with words and doodle a hundred pages of what i think, but even then no one can understand me.
Wanna know why?
Because i keep things from them.
Wanna know why?
Because they don't trust me.
She trusted me and i told her everything.
She also listened. She did so much for me, and i just realised, i treated her like shit. Our 4 years of friendship, i wish so hard that it'll never disappear. But it will. And when it does, it'll all be my fault.
I see why i can't be so positive anymore. She's not here to support me.
It's not that she doesn't want to. I know she does. But she can't.
I used to hold back my tears because i don't like being known as 'weak', but now, i'll hold back my tears for her. I hope she'd do the same. We're a million miles away from each other, why?
Ah well. I miss you. You and your funny habits. Your temper and your jokes. I really really miss you.